I am almost afraid to share these thoughts bc it is being quite transparent, and sometimes my transparency has gotten me in trouble. I can sounds too harsh and dark when I am post-pregnancy and when I am completely transparent. However, I feel like I need to get these thoughts out and you guys are the avenue. Sorry! You can delete, respond, or ignore. Just please don't condemn me too much bc, well, bc I said so!
How am I going to do this? Five kids with three being newborns. I really am sitting on a fence the size of a needle point and I contine to sway back and forth between a complete lunacy feeling and a maybe this can all work feeling. I know "God does not give us more than we can handle", but this is really how I am feeling. I don't see how we will sleep for so many weeks, and that really freaks me out bc I do not even see where I can sneak in any respite. Honestly, none. I am not trying to whine or complain. I am unsure of this new role for me that GOd has asked me to take. I am not sure I can really do it. No, I am not trying to get you all to say flattering things. Really. If you do have some insight though, that would be great.I just don't see how I can balance my older kids and my younger. The older will go insane this summer without being able to go to the pool, softball games, kiddie park, and all of our usual fun. Well, I think I may go insane without some of these things. How will I even give them attention? How can I keep all of this balanced? Perhaps I am looking for any tips as to how to balance any of this?!? How can I keep my big kids engaged and happy this summer? How can I survive on truly, virtually no sleep? When will I shower? When will I clean? Was I really made just for poop, spills, noise, chaos, and crayons?
Sorry for spilling on you guys. Jeff has heard it enough, and even God has heard it enough. I am just so unsure about this new journey in my life and becoming so anxious about the time the babies actually come home. I feel as if I am in the eye of a hurricane as if I am sitting right outside of this huge storm that may swallow me whole. Any tips or, yes, even verses will be appreciated.
The Answers:
Sabrina - the transparency! The realness! I love it! I think it's exactly the way God wants us. Has He already been molding and refining you through the arrival of the triplets? : )
Okay, girls, I'm not a Bible scholar, so somebody please correct me if I'm wrong. My whole life, I've also heard that God doesn't give us more than we can handle. But I think He does. And through having more than we can handle, we learn to depend on Him to handle it and to accept help from people who love us. Sabrina, you don't need to think about the summer. I know it's hard not to worry - because, yes, it does seem a little impossible to care for three babies and cart two big girls around to all the fun summer activities - but you can't focus on that now. There will be time to figure it out later. Your job now is today. Doing your best to hug your girls and your husband, taking care of yourself, pumping, smiling when you think of your beautiful tiny boys, praying. "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life.... But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." (Matthew 6:25a & 33-34) You can also remind yourself of His provisions for you in the past. He has saved you and brought you into a relationship with Him. He has given you a husband to partner with in life and in parenting. He has given you a home with closets full of clothes and a fridge full of food. Smart, spirited, healthy, funny daughters. The physical and emotional endurance to carry the triplets as long as you did. Three perfect little babies who should very soon be ready to move away from their little incubators and ventilators and into your home. Good medical care until they are ready. A family and church family and friends who are eager to support you through prayer, meals, babysitting, and cleaning.
I'm so glad you wrote. No one would argue that the task before you is great. It's important that you stay vocal about what you're thinking and feeling. You and your family are so much on our hearts. I have to wonder if my experiences with my own girls (the baby years were admittedly dark) served the purpose of preparing me to remember you often in prayer.
From Jen
How are you going to do this? That's a totally natural question. You'd be LOONEY not to ask. I'm more concerned about the words fear, harsh and dark, which give me the impression that Satan is telling you that you can't do this. "LIE FROM HELL!!" (I really hope you were in church for that sermon, otherwise that could seem offensive. : ) )
Jen I think you're right, I heard a great Beth Moore talk about that very scripture. (And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. 1 Corinth 1-:12-14) Beth said God is talking about temptation, not trial. So, this verse could still apply to you, but may I suggest that the temptation would be to believe that you're not able to pull this off and you can stand on His word that says you can!
So here's what you're going to do. Every morning you're going to wake up and claim these scriptures.
Lamentations 3 22 Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. 23 They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
This verse actually encouraged me to learn and sing to myself Great Is Thy Faithfulness. : )
Isaiah 31 but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
I agree with Jen, being given more than we feel like we can handle stretches us and builds character. You'll shower at night when you have the most help and after the big girls are asleep. You'll clean only what you HAVE to. And here is what I still do. I pick one thing to get done everyday. So if that's dusting today, that's all I try to get done beyond taking care of the home and kids. I know this doesn't compare but I brought home 2 babies, still managed to finish the homeschool curriculum I started with Ashlyn and eventually kept the house show ready to sell. You take it a day at a time and when you look back you'll amaze yourself and give God the glory. The poop, spills, noise, chaos and crayons are going to deliver to you more satisfaction than you can even imagine, you already know that!
Your concerns for the girls are real and serious. It's going to be a hard year for them. So you're going to have to put them on the team. When they have ownership of the happiness and wellness of the babies they'll have more patience with your absence. So feel good about giving them little jobs and "putting them in charge" while you go to the bathroom or whatever. We'll all join you in praying that they become the best of friends, leaning on each and looking to one another for companionship. I remember saying to Ashlyn, "Man, it's hard for me to hear the boys crying all the time, is it making you crazy too?" Things like that remind the girls that it's a hard time for everyone. And your friends might already be planning to take the boys on so that you and Jeff can have special nights out with the girls - you should use that time to celebrate survival and encourage one another! : )
Please don't ever apologize for asking for counsel and support from other moms who love you! I'm already SO proud of you for talking this thing out and being honest - go boundaries!! Even though these boys are a total blessing, it's going to be tough.....no doubt about that. But you don't have to worry, "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline. Tim 1:7 You won't be doing this alone, we love you!
From Sarah
